With technology the way it is today, there are many, many
ways to communicate with another person. In spite of choices among the tools to
communicate is anything really being said when we do communicate? And
alternatively if something meaningful is put out there, is it being heard?

You may send a letter (snail mail or email), or you may
telephone someone (landline or cell phone), you may send a non-email electronic
message (text message or instant message), or you may even have one of two
computers outfitted the right hardware and software to send your voice and
image instantly to a person in another room or another continent, but what is
it that you are communicating? Is it of value and depth or is it simply
superficial?

While being reminiscent of science fiction, these options
are all technological fact. They’re the newest and most sophisticated means of
communication. They move beyond the written expression of our internal life
through the sharing of our voices and into the communicating of subtleties of body
language. This is the stuff of improved global communication, the most
efficient and effective instantaneous exchange of information. These options
are an example of the growth of our technology, but I’m skeptical that we are
using them to grow our connections and relationships.

It’s my belief that communication which does grow our
relationships is mixed-up, messy and at times mystifying.

Communication is a mix of many different elements
functioning at once. It is choice of words, tone, intention and emphasis, of
gesture and touch, of context and familiar knowledge, of shared experience and
common history. As these things flow together, the meaning behind a
communication becomes clearer and the opportunity for deeper communication
emerges. And when these things don’t work together communication can get messy.

Often, it’s not only the misfires in the mix of
communication which are messy, sometimes it’s the meaning itself. Communication
gets messy when someone is offering something we don’t want to hear: criticisms,
excuses, negative emotions, or a differing opinion. Oddly, whether it’s muddled or it’s something we just don’t want
to hear, messy communication is essential to the growth of relationships. Messy
communication offers the opportunity to set clearer boundaries, to identify
shared limits, and to move beyond obstacles and into new territory.

This new territory made of just the right mix of the
elements of communication and learning from messy communication can be
mystifying in what is communicated. It’s almost magical what can be simply and
briefly communicated between people who share this space. Witnessing
communication like this between others, we may not understand the meaning, but
we can see that something meaningful is occurring. Participating in
communication like this, it’s hard to sum up what has been conveyed to those
who are watching except to acknowledge that something deep has been
communicated.

I don’t doubt that new communication technology can help us
grow in depth, but only if the technology is not seen as the end in itself.

Several weeks ago, Dennis, our Board President, and I
discussed the changes in the purpose of our congregation over time. We agreed
that in our 127 year history there were times of survival, there were times of
reorganization and refocusing, and times of deep meaning. Agreeing that we were
coming out of a time of reorganization into a time of deep meaning, he asked
me, “So, what’s the meaning of our church today?”

I recall nodding in understanding, but saying nothing for a
moment. I felt I had to sum up a great deal in a few precise words and wanted
to get it right. After a pause I offered, “It’s about learning to be human. We
don’t really come with a manual.” Dennis countered that there are lots of
manuals in established religious traditions for living from mind and heart and
spirit, and I had to agree there is great wisdom for living in those sacred
texts.

As we moved our dialogue forward we established that in our
congregation we are attempting something more than just gleaning the wisdom
from the past, we are living in the here and now. Ours is a living religious
tradition because we believe in the importance of the wisdom within our own
lives. We value the unique perspective each person has and seek to live by the
wisdom we each possess, but also to be challenged and lead by the wisdom others
hold in their lives.

I couldn’t have come to such a conclusion without Dennis and
his unique perspective, without his life wisdom. And together we could not have
moved forward without the mixed-up, messy, and mystifying communication to
begin with.

Our congregation is emerging out of a time of reorientation
and refocusing our relationships. We are now accepting of the mixed-up,
learning from the messy, and hoping for the mystifying. We’ve worked hard in
this direction not because our end goal is to be better communicators, but to
develop the means to be in deeper relationship with one another. We continue to
work on the means though our small group ministries and our “content
management” website, and in our many communications (in all their various
forms) so that we may develop deeper relationships.

Toward that end, I’ll be putting this blog in our April newsletter as “Matthew’s Ministerial
Musings,” and recommending that people come here and post their responses on this blog. That
offers you the opportunity to reply with your thoughts, feelings and wisdom in
dialogue with mine.